I took a fair amount of labor and delivery classes when I was pregnant. I knew how to diaper a baby and safely strap it into a car seat. I knew how to breathe in labor and how to push. But none of that prepared me for the true challenge of motherhood.

The class they really should have offered was one that would have taught me how to become the one person responsible for making sure everyone has all the things, all the time. All. The. Time.

This is an all day everyday responsibility — and there will be another post, another time, on the daily mental load of knowing who is supposed to be where, with who, wearing what, in possession of what, eating what, preparing for what. Believe me.

But this post is specifically about being that person when it comes time to head out of town.

This weekend we took a mini road trip out to Madison for the Badger game.

The kids had a blast. Of course they did, because they’re kids. And they got to stay in a hotel. And in that hotel, they did not have to be the person who does one final sweep of the room to make sure nothing has been left behind. If this task had been clearly stated in the Motherhood job description, I might have applied for a different career. Identified as a Dad.

Not that Dads don’t do this, too. I’m sure there are plenty of Dads out there who play the default parent and play it well. But then, if I had to guess, I bet there are also a lot of Dads who ask as they’re climbing into the fully packed car, “do you think I need a coat?”

These Dad’s are good at other things.

And they carry a very different mental load, one that I can’t fully appreciate. That said, these Dads have wives that want to slap them in that moment, because man would they love to only have to worry about their own temperature comfort.

Mom or Dad, this is hands down the most exhausting part of parenting — besides the constant worry and anxiety, the cleaning, the cooking, the driving, the laundry and the actual parenting.

Mental and physical preparations for a two night, one day trip to Madison included:

– Anticipating the rain it called for

– Digging out rain gear for all 4 kids

– Making sure the rain gear fit

– Finding everyone’s boots

– Making sure the boots fit

– Packing the rain gear

– Packing the boots

– Packing spare boots

– Packing shoes

– Digging out and then packing winter hats and gloves for the kids in case it’s colder than it calls for

– Finding 3 outfits for 4 kids for 2 days. That’s 12 outfits. 12 pairs of underwear. 24 socks. Bonus if it’s team gear for the Badger game. Throw in a few pairs of pajamas. Pack that too. Must not forget swimsuits for the pool.

– Anticipating who would require which lovey and which blanket. Packing that, but not until the last minute because God forbid.

– Can’t forget toothbrushes and toothpaste but also not until the last minute because yuck.

– Making arrangements with the school to pick the kids up a few hours early.

– Communicating with teachers about making up any work that will be missed

– Finding someone to stay with the pets, and in this case, our toddler. My absolute saints of In Laws came to stay with them, which took a lot of the stress out of that. But still, then there was:

– Writing down the pets schedules/needs

– Writing down the toddlers schedules/needs/activities

– Making sure the house is clean for whoever is staying. With my slob children this absolutely always includes scrubbing toilets, bathroom counters, and every touchable surface below 4 feet.

– Making sure house is stocked with everything toddler and pets need. Which, by the way, I failed miserably at, as we ran out of both milk and dog food in the 36 hours we were gone.

– Repeating steps 1-10, but this time for myself.

– Loading it all up in the car, along with a stocked cooler for tailgating, chairs, stadium blankets & clear stadium bags.

– Packing road trip activities for kids because God forbid they take a drive over 30 minutes without sticker books.

– Hearing from my oldest that I didn’t pack enough activities for her.

Then once you get wherever you’re going, you go back to the regular all-day-every-day knowing who is where and when and why, just in a different location. And then you get to do it all again in reverse, but with more anxiety because if you leave Bluey blankie or Moo Cow at the hotel, they are lost lost. So inevitably you leave with all the stuffed animals but somehow overlook your smart watch charger and have to rush order another one to the tune of $50 you don’t have because you spent it on the hotel you left the first one at.

– Come home and do all the laundry and put the car activities away.

– Put suitcases away. Or if you’re like me, the suitcases stay in the mudroom for at least a month because it’s too much energy to drag them upstairs.

– Put off-season stuff like swimsuits and winter gear back in whatever bin you got them from.

Oh and don’t forget to take time for yourself, exercise, practice self care, shower, eat healthy and shave your legs.

Look I’m not saying I didn’t also have a great time. This is always one of my favorite weekends of the year, and I do love traveling with my family. But man just once I want to be the parent that casually asks as the car is backing down the driveway, “do we have water bottles for the kids?”

Better yet, I’d like to be the kid who gets to run from room to pool like the barefoot, feral crotch goblin I am without a care in the world about how that swimsuit arrived at the hotel and whether or not I have underwear to change into after my swim.

I guess I was that kid once, so please accept this as my official apology to my parents for not appreciating how much you put into making those trips magical and memorable. Someday I promise to be that person for you, when moving you into Shady Pines.

Anyway, now we’re back, and recovered, and it’s back to the everyday mental load that somehow seems a little lighter now in comparison.

If you need me, I’ll be writing a new curriculum to throw in along with the labor and delivery classes. Assignments will include speed-packing, washing and drying a favorite blanket in under 26 minutes, and practicing anger management/appropriate responses to “Mom, why didn’t you pack me any more activities than this?!”