There’s this weird little trick that time likes to play on me at the beginning of the school year. But to understand it, you need to come on a journey back in time with me, to the last week of August.

It’s August 30th. My children and I have enjoyed 90 days of togetherness. We’ve bonded, we’ve played, we’ve crossed off our summer bucket list … and all of that was accomplished by June 20th. The rest of that time has been filled with arguments, yelling, big feelings, breaches of personal space, breaches of general propriety, and a fair amount of day drinking.

It. Is. Time. For. School. To. Start. I’ve never been more ready, and the time I used to spend fantasizing about European vacations, Rupert Friend, Sam Heughan, and European vacations with Rupert Friend and Sam Heughan, is now spent fantasizing about what I am going to do with all that free time once my boisterous offspring is back in school for 8 hours a day. House projects, deep cleans, Netflix binges, productivity — all of the things.

And then, glory of all glories, school starts. And it happens. I have time — ALL OF THIS TIME. I deep clean the fridge, I grocery shop for healthy food to restock it, I make the first home cooked meal we’ve had in months, I vacuum, I mop for the first time in months, I wash the sheets (also for the first time in months), I paint my nails (you got it, for the first time in months) I clean the garage, I wash my car, (let me save you some time, all of this is happening for the first time in months) I DIY a whole house worth of wainscoting, including the trip to Home Depot for supplies. I am alarmingly productive.

My kids get off the bus to a freshly baked snack, and a Mom full of energy and enthusiasm and patience. Because I have been given the gift of time.

But here’s the catch. Then October comes.

And in October, even though the number of hours of freedom in my day haven’t changed, somehow THE NUMBER OF HOURS OF FREEDOM IN MY DAY HAVE CHANGED.

Suddenly this window that was so productive in September barely allows me the time for a single of those tasks. If I cook dinner, you can forget about a clean house. If I mop, McDonald’s it is. If I exercise, that’s all I do.

I have the same amount of time, but somehow I also have about 80% less time.

And, bonus, Mean Mommy is back, because I no longer feel as refreshed and rejuvenated as I did in September. And believe me, no one likes Mean Mommy, especially my oldest, who has taken to looking at me like this:

September Melissa is on top of her emails from the school. She reads the weekly notes. She jumps at the chance to volunteer in the classroom. She sends in extra snacks.

October Melissa misses three days of emails. She therefore misses all of her kids “bring a stuffed animal to school/dress in yellow/dress in blue/dress in school spirit/dress in anything that’s not already in your closet” days and doesn’t even see the request for classroom volunteers until a week after the fact. She forgets to send a snack for her kids, much less extra classroom snacks.

September Melissa packs healthy lunches the night before. October Melissa throws a raw onion into a brown paper bag in a fit of panic.

Aren’t I supposed to be riding that high a little longer? Until January at least?

I don’t know what the change is, and therefore I don’t know how to change it, but I do know that if you want something done, ask me in September, because that girl gets sh%# done. Anything after that, and I’ll get back to you after next summer.